Pregnancy/Body/Weight

About my clothes.

First, I lost weight before I got pregnant, so a lot of my clothes were loose. As I mentioned in my post explaining why I did ivf far away from home, I gained weight during the year I had alotted to myself to get my weight down enough to meet the requirements of the nearby Clinic I Hate. After I started working with Alma Mater Clinic in NYC, I lost weight. (Yes, I lost weight while doing ivf. I will probably gain weight while breastfeeding, just to be contrary.) By Day Three of my third ivf, I was below where I had been when CIH rejected me, though not down to their cutoff. I did eventually get down to their cutoff, because I lost weight during my first trimester and didn’t start gaining until about 21w. I was still under my Day 3 weight two weeks ago, but I may have reached it by appointment today. As a result, I currently weigh less than I did when I bought many of my clothes, though my body is shaped differently, of course.

Even aside from the weight loss, however, the main reason I can still wear my regular clothes is that they were already very large for my body.

When I read Thalia’s and Barren Mare’s posts about having to get new clothes before they were even feeling very secure about the health of their pregnancies, I figured they must wear nicer clothes than I do. I identified more with Brooklyn Girl’s post a year ago:

I was able to wear many of my non-maternity clothes throughout my pregnancy because they were so big to begin with, as if these large (really XL) clothes could disguise my body.

I knew I would be able to wear at least some of my clothes throughout the pregnancy, because most of my dresses are either tent-like in style or are actually a blouse over a skirt with an elastic waist. I didn’t think the pants would last this long, though.

I have a horror of revealing my curves. Breasts are fine, since I don’t really have any insecurities about them or their size. I just don’t want anyone to see my ample butt or belly. Even though I know that a huge dress that hides the curves will not necessarily make me look better or smaller  than something more tailored(and in fact may do the opposite), I just don’t like to advertise the exact shape of my body.

Also, even aside from my body image neuroses, I’d generally rather wear loose, comfortable clothing than tighter, less comfortable stuff.

I rarely can find pants that fit well: one size will be too small to zip or the legs will be too tight for me, but the waist of the next size up will have a gap at the small of my back.

Also, as Brooklyn Girl notes, there are fewer options in large sizes anyway, though the possibilities increase if you pay enough. The selection is even more limited for maternity clothes in my size. Out of five stores I have looked at locally (from mall chain stores to boutiques), only two have clothes in my size, and they are either ugly or very expensive. If I do need maternity wear, I will probably have to order online (and then get things altered to fit my height most likely).

That dress I bought as a bit of retail therapy/superstition towards the end of my second ivf? When I got  it, I really thought I was resisting my normal tendency towards tent-like dresses. I’m planning to wear it to the Northern Celtic Nation Dancing Ball in Historic City Down the Road this weekend. Obviously, it wasn’t fitted enough to serve its purpose of ensuring a good ivf outcome; it barely shows off my pregnant belly now, which is definitely bigger at this point than my fat one has ever been. I should have realized it was a little big when I noticed that the dress, which I had just been pulling over my head, actually had a zipper up the side.

Maybe I’ll write a part 2 about the emotional aspects of this, but for now I will just respectfully ask people to refrain from leaving weight management tips in the comments. I already have in-person (ie, non-internet) professional and peer support for the whole disordered eating issue.